another day down at the gym. a pretty casual (i guess) 2 miles, followed by some back and leg work. i'm determined as all hell to drop 20 lbs and i know once i start dropping weight, i'll be able to run faster and get more miles in. 

i've been eating healthy, and working out, but my attitude is totally in the shitter for 8 hours of the day. work depresses me and makes me a horrible person to be around. i feel really bad for the people that are around me for those 8 hours because when i'm in that office, i'm just an angry person. i've never been that stressed and upset at work. little things set me off and it just snowballs into me not being able to speak to anyone for fear of flying off the handle at them. and it's not just me. the overall morale in the office sucks and my boss either doesn't give a shit or doesn't see it. i'm still debating which it is.

as for my emotional debacle...after a long conversation with a very close friend, i'm probably playing russian roulette with my emotions. things could either go how i'd like to them to and life is lovely and beautiful and i end up with a guy who is perfect for me orrrr...i get ridiculously hurt and lose someone who i love orrrrrr...i continue down the path i'm on and keep doing what i'm doing and remain happily complacent, partially settling for want and what i can get... yeah. i just don't know. the friendship relationship itself is so simple and effortless, but when things are put into perspective and i start thinking about it, it seems so much more gray. and how much could i push to maybe get what i want? ugh. i think far too much about this and when it comes down to it, it's probably why i stay in that complacent place, just happy that i have the moments as they come. and goddamn, those moments are awesome when they happen. :)

now, since my plans were blown for the evening, i'm going to lay in my traction unit (thanks chiropractor) and do some reading.