i am nauseous.
i am going to be out a lot of money.
i am apparently a criminal.
i am not tired.
i cannot sleep.
i am fucked.
my life will not end.
it will just be VERY painful and costly.
i can't even think right now.
i sure as shit hope that my bac at 3:20am is less than what it was when i was not even 2 blocks from my house about an hour prior.
there's nothing in my stomach to vomit out.
i speed every day. why tonight?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
if i started documenting my beers...
i wonder how many more followers i would have.
you know...dudes flock to girls that like good beers. not that i need a following. i just want followers to read my silly ramblings and to give me suggestions and teach me about kick ass beers.
it has been my mission as of late, to try more beers that i've never had before. it will also act as some form of record for what i drink. almost like...a beer passport, if you will. blog, meet untappd. it's like...the foursquare of beers.
currently, i'm a little upset that i don't know if i'm drinking Fade to Black volume 1 or volume 2. and i don't want to run downstairs, pull the bottle out of the trash and look...yet. this beer is awesome though. it tastes like chocolate, espresso and heaven, in a glass. YUM.
i also had a GREAT BridgePort Kingpin that I had on draught a couple of weeks ago, and sought out in the retail market. (thank you AJ's.)
so, if you're on untappd, friend me, or if you're a beer snob and want the world to know, you should probably sign up and then friend me. and read my blog. religiously. now i'm just getting greedy. :)
you know...dudes flock to girls that like good beers. not that i need a following. i just want followers to read my silly ramblings and to give me suggestions and teach me about kick ass beers.
it has been my mission as of late, to try more beers that i've never had before. it will also act as some form of record for what i drink. almost like...a beer passport, if you will. blog, meet untappd. it's like...the foursquare of beers.
i also had a GREAT BridgePort Kingpin that I had on draught a couple of weeks ago, and sought out in the retail market. (thank you AJ's.)
so, if you're on untappd, friend me, or if you're a beer snob and want the world to know, you should probably sign up and then friend me. and read my blog. religiously. now i'm just getting greedy. :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
i'm horrible at keeping up with things
like following through on flossing.
and keeping up with this blog.
i did a better job of keeping up on my dead journal at age 16 or threads that i made on pahardcore years ago.
now, i have to find time to sit down and jot down some things TYPING. i don't even need to find paper and a pen. it's so easy, but so hard.
speaking of keeping up with things, the gym thing. yeah...that's a toughy too. :( it bums me out as well because i do enjoy going, but it's a pain in the ass. like now, for example. i'm sitting here in my gym gear and i need to muster the energy to get up, put on shoes, get water, drive 3 blocks in 100 degree heat to the gym and run for a few miles. THEN, when i get home, it's making a sensible dinner and stuffing it in my gullet. SO much work.
what i actually want to do is sit and read the new chelsea handler book. i just got it yesterday and i'm about 90 pages in. i also still have accounting stuff for work that i have to get done since no one else will do it and i'd have to double check it anyway. see...now i'm contemplating just going to the gym in the morning. UGH.
it's halfway through the summer so i can't use the "swimsuit season" motivation. right now, it's the "you signed up for a half marathon in november, so you'd better be able to run it" motivation. i think that it's about 120 days away. that's plenty of time, right?
what to do...what to do...
oh, and i guess my mouse battery finally died. that's cool too, i guess. and of course, the batteries that *I* have aren't the right size and i *can* use the track pad on my laptop, but it's small and annoying. yeah, i'm going to keep bitching about this, just because i can.
and keeping up with this blog.
i did a better job of keeping up on my dead journal at age 16 or threads that i made on pahardcore years ago.
now, i have to find time to sit down and jot down some things TYPING. i don't even need to find paper and a pen. it's so easy, but so hard.
speaking of keeping up with things, the gym thing. yeah...that's a toughy too. :( it bums me out as well because i do enjoy going, but it's a pain in the ass. like now, for example. i'm sitting here in my gym gear and i need to muster the energy to get up, put on shoes, get water, drive 3 blocks in 100 degree heat to the gym and run for a few miles. THEN, when i get home, it's making a sensible dinner and stuffing it in my gullet. SO much work.
what i actually want to do is sit and read the new chelsea handler book. i just got it yesterday and i'm about 90 pages in. i also still have accounting stuff for work that i have to get done since no one else will do it and i'd have to double check it anyway. see...now i'm contemplating just going to the gym in the morning. UGH.
it's halfway through the summer so i can't use the "swimsuit season" motivation. right now, it's the "you signed up for a half marathon in november, so you'd better be able to run it" motivation. i think that it's about 120 days away. that's plenty of time, right?
what to do...what to do...
oh, and i guess my mouse battery finally died. that's cool too, i guess. and of course, the batteries that *I* have aren't the right size and i *can* use the track pad on my laptop, but it's small and annoying. yeah, i'm going to keep bitching about this, just because i can.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
life improvements
i've been trying to work recently on things that i don't do at all or don't do much of and should. examples:
- flossing. i hate it. it's a massive pain in my ass and quite painful, but most dentists recommend it and most people tend to do it. i'm giving it a try.
- mouthwash. also a massive pain in my ass and i went about 24 years without using it and then a dentist told me that it would help with my sensitive gums. good to know. i don't do it regularly and find it ridiculous, but again, i'm giving it a try.
(yes, both of these things thus far have to do with personal hygiene. i neglect my oral (heh oral...) hygiene way too much. i brush twice a day, but i don't see a dentist regularly and i certainly don't do the above to things as much as i should...so i'm attempting to turn over a new leaf.)
- the gym. as daunting as this becomes during sports season (aka, year round for me...) i'm trying to push myself to go. i've been pretty fed up with my body for a while and while some people can just get by on reducing calories and sitting on their asses, i apparently, can't do that. i need to cut back on everything that i'm eating in addition to working out to the point of nausea (like tonight). i have a bug up my ass to make myself look better. and god help me if going to the gym obsessively doesn't get me some results. i might kill someone.
- saving money. this. is. impossible. for. me. no matter what i try, i live paycheck to paycheck, i routinely drain my saving account to a few dollars and i still have several hefty credit card bills that maybe upon retirement (at age 80) will be paid off or at least close to it. partially, i blame it on my shitty salary. i never imagined that i'd be 26, 4 years removed from a bachelors degree and be grossing 19k a year from my primary source of income. how fucking pathetic and sad is that? (also, as an aside, i think my roommate is burning something. smells like popcorn, but i can't be sure. i just smell something smoldering...)
i don't live a *plush* lifestyle. the most expensive taste i have is in beer. i have no problems shopping at target, old navy or american eagle. labels mean nothing to me (except on my michael kors wallet *SWOON*). i don't have (what i would consider) an adult job yet, so i refuse to spend money on clothing like i do. i'm not selling our clients anything, i have no meetings, no deals to be made. my boss could care less if i was in a burlap sack or a vintage chanel suit as long as my work was done.
i've TRIED desperately to budget. after rent, car insurance, cell phone bill and credit card bills, i *should* (key word, should) have a few hundred bucks left for gas and food for the month (which is plenty since i shop thriftily. is that a word? i hope so. i like it...), but instead, i'm left counting and rolling my change to take to the bank to deposit and attempting to sell my out dated and un-fashionable clothing to second hand/buy/sell/trade places (speaking of, i came out today with 19 something which is more than what i normally get when i go there). right now, i have more in my savings account than in my checking account (which isn't saying much since what's in my checking account could buy one pair of running shoes...on sale).
i want to get myself in the habit of NOT going to happy hour and dropping 50 bucks. and not buying another v neck bf tee from target just because it's 2 dollars off (you know that you do the same thing!). and putting money away to savings with the intent of saving it and not just having it there to pad the checking account when it needs it. and removing cash from the alien time machine and only being able to spend that out instead of just tossing down the plastic.
i'm really great at making plans, just not executing them. don't tell any prospective employers that. haha in reality, i'm good when it's a plan for others, just not myself. how fucked up is that?
and hand in hand with the gym and not spending as much money is:
- eating better, smarter and cheaper. eating healthy is expensive and that sucks. a lot. no wonder people go to the dollar menu for big micks instead of making a salad. speaking of, a salad would be nice right now. i only have spinach and carrots downstairs, and that, a salad does not make.
- reading more. i love books. i always have. but with this thing called the internet, came sloth and poor eyesight, which is one big deterrent to me reading for long periods of time. i'm pretty much blind and even WITH contacts or glasses, have to keep a book within a foot of my face so i can see it without squinting. i'm going to have to start going for the large print versions at age 30. my 80 year old grandmother doesn't even get the large print versions from the library. i want to set aside at least half an hour or more a day to read. i want to get back into the habit of doing it and getting away from the godforsaken computer.
this post is entirely too long. if you made it to the end, congrats. this is the war and peace of blog posts and i commend you and apologize with all my heart. now do me a favor and comment either how much you hate me for reading such a long, boring, ranty post or something entirely inspirational in regards to any of the above stated improvements. homework assignment has been dealt. enjoy.
class dismissed.
- flossing. i hate it. it's a massive pain in my ass and quite painful, but most dentists recommend it and most people tend to do it. i'm giving it a try.
- mouthwash. also a massive pain in my ass and i went about 24 years without using it and then a dentist told me that it would help with my sensitive gums. good to know. i don't do it regularly and find it ridiculous, but again, i'm giving it a try.
(yes, both of these things thus far have to do with personal hygiene. i neglect my oral (heh oral...) hygiene way too much. i brush twice a day, but i don't see a dentist regularly and i certainly don't do the above to things as much as i should...so i'm attempting to turn over a new leaf.)
- the gym. as daunting as this becomes during sports season (aka, year round for me...) i'm trying to push myself to go. i've been pretty fed up with my body for a while and while some people can just get by on reducing calories and sitting on their asses, i apparently, can't do that. i need to cut back on everything that i'm eating in addition to working out to the point of nausea (like tonight). i have a bug up my ass to make myself look better. and god help me if going to the gym obsessively doesn't get me some results. i might kill someone.
- saving money. this. is. impossible. for. me. no matter what i try, i live paycheck to paycheck, i routinely drain my saving account to a few dollars and i still have several hefty credit card bills that maybe upon retirement (at age 80) will be paid off or at least close to it. partially, i blame it on my shitty salary. i never imagined that i'd be 26, 4 years removed from a bachelors degree and be grossing 19k a year from my primary source of income. how fucking pathetic and sad is that? (also, as an aside, i think my roommate is burning something. smells like popcorn, but i can't be sure. i just smell something smoldering...)
i don't live a *plush* lifestyle. the most expensive taste i have is in beer. i have no problems shopping at target, old navy or american eagle. labels mean nothing to me (except on my michael kors wallet *SWOON*). i don't have (what i would consider) an adult job yet, so i refuse to spend money on clothing like i do. i'm not selling our clients anything, i have no meetings, no deals to be made. my boss could care less if i was in a burlap sack or a vintage chanel suit as long as my work was done.
i've TRIED desperately to budget. after rent, car insurance, cell phone bill and credit card bills, i *should* (key word, should) have a few hundred bucks left for gas and food for the month (which is plenty since i shop thriftily. is that a word? i hope so. i like it...), but instead, i'm left counting and rolling my change to take to the bank to deposit and attempting to sell my out dated and un-fashionable clothing to second hand/buy/sell/trade places (speaking of, i came out today with 19 something which is more than what i normally get when i go there). right now, i have more in my savings account than in my checking account (which isn't saying much since what's in my checking account could buy one pair of running shoes...on sale).
i want to get myself in the habit of NOT going to happy hour and dropping 50 bucks. and not buying another v neck bf tee from target just because it's 2 dollars off (you know that you do the same thing!). and putting money away to savings with the intent of saving it and not just having it there to pad the checking account when it needs it. and removing cash from the alien time machine and only being able to spend that out instead of just tossing down the plastic.
i'm really great at making plans, just not executing them. don't tell any prospective employers that. haha in reality, i'm good when it's a plan for others, just not myself. how fucked up is that?
and hand in hand with the gym and not spending as much money is:
- eating better, smarter and cheaper. eating healthy is expensive and that sucks. a lot. no wonder people go to the dollar menu for big micks instead of making a salad. speaking of, a salad would be nice right now. i only have spinach and carrots downstairs, and that, a salad does not make.
- reading more. i love books. i always have. but with this thing called the internet, came sloth and poor eyesight, which is one big deterrent to me reading for long periods of time. i'm pretty much blind and even WITH contacts or glasses, have to keep a book within a foot of my face so i can see it without squinting. i'm going to have to start going for the large print versions at age 30. my 80 year old grandmother doesn't even get the large print versions from the library. i want to set aside at least half an hour or more a day to read. i want to get back into the habit of doing it and getting away from the godforsaken computer.
this post is entirely too long. if you made it to the end, congrats. this is the war and peace of blog posts and i commend you and apologize with all my heart. now do me a favor and comment either how much you hate me for reading such a long, boring, ranty post or something entirely inspirational in regards to any of the above stated improvements. homework assignment has been dealt. enjoy.
class dismissed.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
my turmoil continues
last week or so, i was having some thinking issues. mostly, thinking too much. nothing has changed in the last week and i've made the decision to make some decisions. how decisive, right?
i got on depo around this time last year (may to be precise) because i was engaging in semi-adult extra curricular activities and needed some protective gear. life was lovely because i was engaging in said activities and not risking ruining my life plus, no cramps, no period most of the time and little to no mood swings. life was beautiful...except that despite my hardest efforts, i'm still a fatty. or at least, i think i'm a fatty. it's difficult to impossible to lose weight on this damn thing and it's breaking my spirits. between running and yoga, i should be dropping weight, not to mention, i have a good diet, so there should be no excuse for me staying the same weight or fucking gaining weight.
so i've finally had enough and i'm not getting any anyway, so fuck it. i care more about me than i do that, so come may for my next shot, i'm not getting it. or is it april? i don't even remember...
i refuse to be the chubby friend anymore. i hide my weight rather well, but it's been bothering me for years and i've developed a pretty unhealthy self loathing attitude about it.
blah. i should be going to yoga tonight in oh...half an hour. but i'll probably end up sitting here without pants on and moping.
i got on depo around this time last year (may to be precise) because i was engaging in semi-adult extra curricular activities and needed some protective gear. life was lovely because i was engaging in said activities and not risking ruining my life plus, no cramps, no period most of the time and little to no mood swings. life was beautiful...except that despite my hardest efforts, i'm still a fatty. or at least, i think i'm a fatty. it's difficult to impossible to lose weight on this damn thing and it's breaking my spirits. between running and yoga, i should be dropping weight, not to mention, i have a good diet, so there should be no excuse for me staying the same weight or fucking gaining weight.
so i've finally had enough and i'm not getting any anyway, so fuck it. i care more about me than i do that, so come may for my next shot, i'm not getting it. or is it april? i don't even remember...
i refuse to be the chubby friend anymore. i hide my weight rather well, but it's been bothering me for years and i've developed a pretty unhealthy self loathing attitude about it.
blah. i should be going to yoga tonight in oh...half an hour. but i'll probably end up sitting here without pants on and moping.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
about 3 weeks behind on this...
but i love this comic in general and this particular one just made me snort:
Natalie Dee. Enjoy kids. Check out the other comics linked on her site IE: Married to the Sea and Toothpaste for Dinner. She and her husband do the comics and even though they're from Ohio, they crack me up.
Monday, February 28, 2011
bueller? bueller? bueller?
i feel like i'm in a weird place right now. my mind is constantly going and i have so much to think about and so much that i want to do, yet i don't do any of it.
like right now. i want to go to yoga, but i'm sitting in my bed, sans pants thinking that "man, i'm hungry and i should go get food...but where do i want to go? what am i hungry for? ugh, i feel so lazy for not going to yoga. should i go to yoga? probably... well...hmm that means that i'm going to be even hungrier when i get out. crap. well, i could eat something and read...but then still, what am i going to eat. and i really want to paint, but then i have to clear space to paint and bleh, i'm still hungry..."
and this goes on. it's been going on for the last hour and a half after i got out of work. my room is also an epic disaster from being in san fran this weekend. and i would go running, but my ipod is nearly dead.
see what i mean? i need to focus. on something. one thing. maybe. maybe on nothing at all. *sigh* crap. crap. crap.
like right now. i want to go to yoga, but i'm sitting in my bed, sans pants thinking that "man, i'm hungry and i should go get food...but where do i want to go? what am i hungry for? ugh, i feel so lazy for not going to yoga. should i go to yoga? probably... well...hmm that means that i'm going to be even hungrier when i get out. crap. well, i could eat something and read...but then still, what am i going to eat. and i really want to paint, but then i have to clear space to paint and bleh, i'm still hungry..."
and this goes on. it's been going on for the last hour and a half after i got out of work. my room is also an epic disaster from being in san fran this weekend. and i would go running, but my ipod is nearly dead.
see what i mean? i need to focus. on something. one thing. maybe. maybe on nothing at all. *sigh* crap. crap. crap.
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