never underestimate the impact of 140 characters

it's a glorious thing to be warned of something about to happen in such a manner that it only takes up 10 seconds of your time to read it. this particular warning was more of a public invitation but it impacted me slightly differently...and i'm not a happy camper because of it.

certain things/events/people only come around every so often and when i have plans with said things/events/people, i'd rather it not be ruined by other things/events/people. some, i can handle, and quite well, especially when i know ahead of time that it's happening, but this would have been short notice for an all out miracle. damn.

i'm bummed. 

i'm kinda peeved.

but i'm relieved that i'm not peeing my pants in public tonight.

life is good...sometimes.

so the ass raping at work that i was expecting didn't happen.

something else didn't happen that i wasn't especially looking forward to. 

i made plans to go to san fran for a friend's birthday.

i had a kick ass workout last night.

i'm going to have another kick ass workout tonight.

i'm going to have a kick ass massage and yoga tomorrow night. 

i'm anticipating (so far) getting money back from uncle sam.

a friend's birthday party is coming up.

i have plenty to be stoked on right now. nothing wrong with that. 

off to the gym!

rough day

i can't wait to post tomorrow night because i'm sure that i'll have some gems from the little chit chat my boss and i are going to have tomorrow morning where i sit and listen to her accuse me of a bunch of stuff and then, unlike the court room, i don't get a fair chance to say my side of the story. i have good reasons/explanations for everything...i just don't think that's she'll care or listen. great relationships going on in our office...for sure.

i sent a few resumes tonight, i'm sure i'll be able to find some more in the morning. i've just kinda had it. i want to use my degree, i want to be appreciated, i want to be acknowledged for what i do well, not just what you think is wrong today. i really hate being accused of things that are bs. it doesn't make any sense, for one and two, it's a waste of time if you have to schedule a meeting to discuss something that isn't a thing.

*sigh* i can't help but be down about that stuff and it filters to the rest of my life. i just had someone yell at me for getting down on myself about being chunky in pictures and needing some that i didn't look like a beached whale next to my skinny friends. nottttt this year. i WILL get below x weight. i WILL fit into -2 pant sizes. and (god willing) i keep my boobs.

make that another resume out. trying to milk my bowl contacts as much as possible. i really hate job hunting. i feel like it should be the other way around.

oh, and i went to yoga tonight, but i felt preoccupied. wonder why.

another day down at the gym. a pretty casual (i guess) 2 miles, followed by some back and leg work. i'm determined as all hell to drop 20 lbs and i know once i start dropping weight, i'll be able to run faster and get more miles in. 

i've been eating healthy, and working out, but my attitude is totally in the shitter for 8 hours of the day. work depresses me and makes me a horrible person to be around. i feel really bad for the people that are around me for those 8 hours because when i'm in that office, i'm just an angry person. i've never been that stressed and upset at work. little things set me off and it just snowballs into me not being able to speak to anyone for fear of flying off the handle at them. and it's not just me. the overall morale in the office sucks and my boss either doesn't give a shit or doesn't see it. i'm still debating which it is.

as for my emotional debacle...after a long conversation with a very close friend, i'm probably playing russian roulette with my emotions. things could either go how i'd like to them to and life is lovely and beautiful and i end up with a guy who is perfect for me orrrr...i get ridiculously hurt and lose someone who i love orrrrrr...i continue down the path i'm on and keep doing what i'm doing and remain happily complacent, partially settling for want and what i can get... yeah. i just don't know. the friendship relationship itself is so simple and effortless, but when things are put into perspective and i start thinking about it, it seems so much more gray. and how much could i push to maybe get what i want? ugh. i think far too much about this and when it comes down to it, it's probably why i stay in that complacent place, just happy that i have the moments as they come. and goddamn, those moments are awesome when they happen. :)

now, since my plans were blown for the evening, i'm going to lay in my traction unit (thanks chiropractor) and do some reading.

epic might be an understatement.

first official weekend after the bowls, which means that i have a life again. went to the gym on wednesday for yoga. today is sunday and i finally stopped being sore. friday, went thrifting with a friend from work and picked up a few things, saturday, i had intended to go to the gym and run, but sleep was more important to my body i guess. i got my hair cut (which i desperately needed) and geared up for what was indeed, a ridiculous night. 

every once and a while, i'm reminded how lucky i have really amazing friends. one of my very good friends is joining me in the land of 26, so i put on some real pants, makeup and half suited up (aka, just the blazer). it's not every day that people can get me out of the house for something that a. starts at 9:30pm, b. keeps me out of the house until 4:30am, and c. requires me to not lose my cool at someone...but that's another story. 

several good beers later with the group down to 5 (4 of them being dudes)...the strip club seems like a great idea. which it always is in theory, but with the tuesday morning crew on a saturday night...not good. but still, it was a pretty good time and i got home way too late and needed a 4 hour nap today to feel human.

i really wish that i could put into words the combination of emotions i have going on in my mind right now, but i really can't. or i could, but it wouldn't be poetic and eloquent or poignant..and i'm sure, as always someone would take it the wrong way. i dunno. i could sit with this window up for days before i could come up with the right words to express my feelings.

today was pretty productive though. one last load of laundry is in the dryer, i took out the 3 bags of trash, the 4 boxes from christmas gifts, 6 empty wine bottles, all from my room and i cleaned out my car. i guess i'll save the wash for another day or find someone to do it for me. i had a kickass salad for dinner and have been considering a glass of wine, but i really just want to finish this episode of desperate housewives and do some reading.

back to the gym tomorrow.

new year. new beginnings. new goals.

So where did i leave off...oh yeah, i was training for 5ks way back when...i ran 3: the susan g komen race for a cure, the 5k for the women's half marathon and the iron girl 5k. finished them all in about 45 minutes, ran 75-80% of them and was pretty pleased. then bowl season hit...i started working 80 hours a week, went through a breakup and was eating whatever i could, when i could and i had zero time to get to the gym, so the pounds added up along with the wine, the emotions and the stress.

enter: the new year.

this year i have some goals set:

- running more races, including the half marathon in november

- saving money (yeah, i say this every year and fail miserably...damn you, sales)

- finding a job in my field or something close to it

- getting home more than once

today was the first day of the new year that i could actually go to the gym and i was pleasantly surprised with my workout. i managed to run/walk 2.5 miles relatively easily. i was expecting to be a lot more out of shape, but it felt really good to get back on the treadmill. 

i also had one of the regular boxing guys ask me where i've been. i was kinda surprised that someone actually noticed that i had been m.i.a. for the last month and a half. 

and then my favorite (said with a slight tinge of sarcasm) bowl season ticket holder emailed me today. after exchanging a few messages, he told me that the day after thanksgiving, he lost his oldest son (age 27) unexpectedly. i don't know exactly what happened, but damn it makes me think if i'm living each day like it could be my last. there are days when i go to bed angry or upset about something and if i didn't wake up the next day, would my loved ones read my last facebook status about going to bed pissed? i just don't want to leave this world with a sour taste in my mouth...which makes me want to complete all of my goals even more. 

it just makes me dig a little deeper and really think about myself and what i'd be leaving behind and what people would say about me and what i'd want them to remember. god, life is short...