i am nauseous.
i am going to be out a lot of money.
i am apparently a criminal.
i am not tired.
i cannot sleep.
i am fucked.
my life will not end.
it will just be VERY painful and costly.
i can't even think right now.
i sure as shit hope that my bac at 3:20am is less than what it was when i was not even 2 blocks from my house about an hour prior.
there's nothing in my stomach to vomit out.
i speed every day. why tonight?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
if i started documenting my beers...
i wonder how many more followers i would have.
you know...dudes flock to girls that like good beers. not that i need a following. i just want followers to read my silly ramblings and to give me suggestions and teach me about kick ass beers.
it has been my mission as of late, to try more beers that i've never had before. it will also act as some form of record for what i drink. almost like...a beer passport, if you will. blog, meet untappd. it's like...the foursquare of beers.
currently, i'm a little upset that i don't know if i'm drinking Fade to Black volume 1 or volume 2. and i don't want to run downstairs, pull the bottle out of the trash and look...yet. this beer is awesome though. it tastes like chocolate, espresso and heaven, in a glass. YUM.
i also had a GREAT BridgePort Kingpin that I had on draught a couple of weeks ago, and sought out in the retail market. (thank you AJ's.)
so, if you're on untappd, friend me, or if you're a beer snob and want the world to know, you should probably sign up and then friend me. and read my blog. religiously. now i'm just getting greedy. :)
you know...dudes flock to girls that like good beers. not that i need a following. i just want followers to read my silly ramblings and to give me suggestions and teach me about kick ass beers.
it has been my mission as of late, to try more beers that i've never had before. it will also act as some form of record for what i drink. almost like...a beer passport, if you will. blog, meet untappd. it's like...the foursquare of beers.
i also had a GREAT BridgePort Kingpin that I had on draught a couple of weeks ago, and sought out in the retail market. (thank you AJ's.)
so, if you're on untappd, friend me, or if you're a beer snob and want the world to know, you should probably sign up and then friend me. and read my blog. religiously. now i'm just getting greedy. :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
i'm horrible at keeping up with things
like following through on flossing.
and keeping up with this blog.
i did a better job of keeping up on my dead journal at age 16 or threads that i made on pahardcore years ago.
now, i have to find time to sit down and jot down some things TYPING. i don't even need to find paper and a pen. it's so easy, but so hard.
speaking of keeping up with things, the gym thing. yeah...that's a toughy too. :( it bums me out as well because i do enjoy going, but it's a pain in the ass. like now, for example. i'm sitting here in my gym gear and i need to muster the energy to get up, put on shoes, get water, drive 3 blocks in 100 degree heat to the gym and run for a few miles. THEN, when i get home, it's making a sensible dinner and stuffing it in my gullet. SO much work.
what i actually want to do is sit and read the new chelsea handler book. i just got it yesterday and i'm about 90 pages in. i also still have accounting stuff for work that i have to get done since no one else will do it and i'd have to double check it anyway. see...now i'm contemplating just going to the gym in the morning. UGH.
it's halfway through the summer so i can't use the "swimsuit season" motivation. right now, it's the "you signed up for a half marathon in november, so you'd better be able to run it" motivation. i think that it's about 120 days away. that's plenty of time, right?
what to do...what to do...
oh, and i guess my mouse battery finally died. that's cool too, i guess. and of course, the batteries that *I* have aren't the right size and i *can* use the track pad on my laptop, but it's small and annoying. yeah, i'm going to keep bitching about this, just because i can.
and keeping up with this blog.
i did a better job of keeping up on my dead journal at age 16 or threads that i made on pahardcore years ago.
now, i have to find time to sit down and jot down some things TYPING. i don't even need to find paper and a pen. it's so easy, but so hard.
speaking of keeping up with things, the gym thing. yeah...that's a toughy too. :( it bums me out as well because i do enjoy going, but it's a pain in the ass. like now, for example. i'm sitting here in my gym gear and i need to muster the energy to get up, put on shoes, get water, drive 3 blocks in 100 degree heat to the gym and run for a few miles. THEN, when i get home, it's making a sensible dinner and stuffing it in my gullet. SO much work.
what i actually want to do is sit and read the new chelsea handler book. i just got it yesterday and i'm about 90 pages in. i also still have accounting stuff for work that i have to get done since no one else will do it and i'd have to double check it anyway. see...now i'm contemplating just going to the gym in the morning. UGH.
it's halfway through the summer so i can't use the "swimsuit season" motivation. right now, it's the "you signed up for a half marathon in november, so you'd better be able to run it" motivation. i think that it's about 120 days away. that's plenty of time, right?
what to do...what to do...
oh, and i guess my mouse battery finally died. that's cool too, i guess. and of course, the batteries that *I* have aren't the right size and i *can* use the track pad on my laptop, but it's small and annoying. yeah, i'm going to keep bitching about this, just because i can.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
life improvements
i've been trying to work recently on things that i don't do at all or don't do much of and should. examples:
- flossing. i hate it. it's a massive pain in my ass and quite painful, but most dentists recommend it and most people tend to do it. i'm giving it a try.
- mouthwash. also a massive pain in my ass and i went about 24 years without using it and then a dentist told me that it would help with my sensitive gums. good to know. i don't do it regularly and find it ridiculous, but again, i'm giving it a try.
(yes, both of these things thus far have to do with personal hygiene. i neglect my oral (heh oral...) hygiene way too much. i brush twice a day, but i don't see a dentist regularly and i certainly don't do the above to things as much as i should...so i'm attempting to turn over a new leaf.)
- the gym. as daunting as this becomes during sports season (aka, year round for me...) i'm trying to push myself to go. i've been pretty fed up with my body for a while and while some people can just get by on reducing calories and sitting on their asses, i apparently, can't do that. i need to cut back on everything that i'm eating in addition to working out to the point of nausea (like tonight). i have a bug up my ass to make myself look better. and god help me if going to the gym obsessively doesn't get me some results. i might kill someone.
- saving money. this. is. impossible. for. me. no matter what i try, i live paycheck to paycheck, i routinely drain my saving account to a few dollars and i still have several hefty credit card bills that maybe upon retirement (at age 80) will be paid off or at least close to it. partially, i blame it on my shitty salary. i never imagined that i'd be 26, 4 years removed from a bachelors degree and be grossing 19k a year from my primary source of income. how fucking pathetic and sad is that? (also, as an aside, i think my roommate is burning something. smells like popcorn, but i can't be sure. i just smell something smoldering...)
i don't live a *plush* lifestyle. the most expensive taste i have is in beer. i have no problems shopping at target, old navy or american eagle. labels mean nothing to me (except on my michael kors wallet *SWOON*). i don't have (what i would consider) an adult job yet, so i refuse to spend money on clothing like i do. i'm not selling our clients anything, i have no meetings, no deals to be made. my boss could care less if i was in a burlap sack or a vintage chanel suit as long as my work was done.
i've TRIED desperately to budget. after rent, car insurance, cell phone bill and credit card bills, i *should* (key word, should) have a few hundred bucks left for gas and food for the month (which is plenty since i shop thriftily. is that a word? i hope so. i like it...), but instead, i'm left counting and rolling my change to take to the bank to deposit and attempting to sell my out dated and un-fashionable clothing to second hand/buy/sell/trade places (speaking of, i came out today with 19 something which is more than what i normally get when i go there). right now, i have more in my savings account than in my checking account (which isn't saying much since what's in my checking account could buy one pair of running shoes...on sale).
i want to get myself in the habit of NOT going to happy hour and dropping 50 bucks. and not buying another v neck bf tee from target just because it's 2 dollars off (you know that you do the same thing!). and putting money away to savings with the intent of saving it and not just having it there to pad the checking account when it needs it. and removing cash from the alien time machine and only being able to spend that out instead of just tossing down the plastic.
i'm really great at making plans, just not executing them. don't tell any prospective employers that. haha in reality, i'm good when it's a plan for others, just not myself. how fucked up is that?
and hand in hand with the gym and not spending as much money is:
- eating better, smarter and cheaper. eating healthy is expensive and that sucks. a lot. no wonder people go to the dollar menu for big micks instead of making a salad. speaking of, a salad would be nice right now. i only have spinach and carrots downstairs, and that, a salad does not make.
- reading more. i love books. i always have. but with this thing called the internet, came sloth and poor eyesight, which is one big deterrent to me reading for long periods of time. i'm pretty much blind and even WITH contacts or glasses, have to keep a book within a foot of my face so i can see it without squinting. i'm going to have to start going for the large print versions at age 30. my 80 year old grandmother doesn't even get the large print versions from the library. i want to set aside at least half an hour or more a day to read. i want to get back into the habit of doing it and getting away from the godforsaken computer.
this post is entirely too long. if you made it to the end, congrats. this is the war and peace of blog posts and i commend you and apologize with all my heart. now do me a favor and comment either how much you hate me for reading such a long, boring, ranty post or something entirely inspirational in regards to any of the above stated improvements. homework assignment has been dealt. enjoy.
class dismissed.
- flossing. i hate it. it's a massive pain in my ass and quite painful, but most dentists recommend it and most people tend to do it. i'm giving it a try.
- mouthwash. also a massive pain in my ass and i went about 24 years without using it and then a dentist told me that it would help with my sensitive gums. good to know. i don't do it regularly and find it ridiculous, but again, i'm giving it a try.
(yes, both of these things thus far have to do with personal hygiene. i neglect my oral (heh oral...) hygiene way too much. i brush twice a day, but i don't see a dentist regularly and i certainly don't do the above to things as much as i should...so i'm attempting to turn over a new leaf.)
- the gym. as daunting as this becomes during sports season (aka, year round for me...) i'm trying to push myself to go. i've been pretty fed up with my body for a while and while some people can just get by on reducing calories and sitting on their asses, i apparently, can't do that. i need to cut back on everything that i'm eating in addition to working out to the point of nausea (like tonight). i have a bug up my ass to make myself look better. and god help me if going to the gym obsessively doesn't get me some results. i might kill someone.
- saving money. this. is. impossible. for. me. no matter what i try, i live paycheck to paycheck, i routinely drain my saving account to a few dollars and i still have several hefty credit card bills that maybe upon retirement (at age 80) will be paid off or at least close to it. partially, i blame it on my shitty salary. i never imagined that i'd be 26, 4 years removed from a bachelors degree and be grossing 19k a year from my primary source of income. how fucking pathetic and sad is that? (also, as an aside, i think my roommate is burning something. smells like popcorn, but i can't be sure. i just smell something smoldering...)
i don't live a *plush* lifestyle. the most expensive taste i have is in beer. i have no problems shopping at target, old navy or american eagle. labels mean nothing to me (except on my michael kors wallet *SWOON*). i don't have (what i would consider) an adult job yet, so i refuse to spend money on clothing like i do. i'm not selling our clients anything, i have no meetings, no deals to be made. my boss could care less if i was in a burlap sack or a vintage chanel suit as long as my work was done.
i've TRIED desperately to budget. after rent, car insurance, cell phone bill and credit card bills, i *should* (key word, should) have a few hundred bucks left for gas and food for the month (which is plenty since i shop thriftily. is that a word? i hope so. i like it...), but instead, i'm left counting and rolling my change to take to the bank to deposit and attempting to sell my out dated and un-fashionable clothing to second hand/buy/sell/trade places (speaking of, i came out today with 19 something which is more than what i normally get when i go there). right now, i have more in my savings account than in my checking account (which isn't saying much since what's in my checking account could buy one pair of running shoes...on sale).
i want to get myself in the habit of NOT going to happy hour and dropping 50 bucks. and not buying another v neck bf tee from target just because it's 2 dollars off (you know that you do the same thing!). and putting money away to savings with the intent of saving it and not just having it there to pad the checking account when it needs it. and removing cash from the alien time machine and only being able to spend that out instead of just tossing down the plastic.
i'm really great at making plans, just not executing them. don't tell any prospective employers that. haha in reality, i'm good when it's a plan for others, just not myself. how fucked up is that?
and hand in hand with the gym and not spending as much money is:
- eating better, smarter and cheaper. eating healthy is expensive and that sucks. a lot. no wonder people go to the dollar menu for big micks instead of making a salad. speaking of, a salad would be nice right now. i only have spinach and carrots downstairs, and that, a salad does not make.
- reading more. i love books. i always have. but with this thing called the internet, came sloth and poor eyesight, which is one big deterrent to me reading for long periods of time. i'm pretty much blind and even WITH contacts or glasses, have to keep a book within a foot of my face so i can see it without squinting. i'm going to have to start going for the large print versions at age 30. my 80 year old grandmother doesn't even get the large print versions from the library. i want to set aside at least half an hour or more a day to read. i want to get back into the habit of doing it and getting away from the godforsaken computer.
this post is entirely too long. if you made it to the end, congrats. this is the war and peace of blog posts and i commend you and apologize with all my heart. now do me a favor and comment either how much you hate me for reading such a long, boring, ranty post or something entirely inspirational in regards to any of the above stated improvements. homework assignment has been dealt. enjoy.
class dismissed.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
my turmoil continues
last week or so, i was having some thinking issues. mostly, thinking too much. nothing has changed in the last week and i've made the decision to make some decisions. how decisive, right?
i got on depo around this time last year (may to be precise) because i was engaging in semi-adult extra curricular activities and needed some protective gear. life was lovely because i was engaging in said activities and not risking ruining my life plus, no cramps, no period most of the time and little to no mood swings. life was beautiful...except that despite my hardest efforts, i'm still a fatty. or at least, i think i'm a fatty. it's difficult to impossible to lose weight on this damn thing and it's breaking my spirits. between running and yoga, i should be dropping weight, not to mention, i have a good diet, so there should be no excuse for me staying the same weight or fucking gaining weight.
so i've finally had enough and i'm not getting any anyway, so fuck it. i care more about me than i do that, so come may for my next shot, i'm not getting it. or is it april? i don't even remember...
i refuse to be the chubby friend anymore. i hide my weight rather well, but it's been bothering me for years and i've developed a pretty unhealthy self loathing attitude about it.
blah. i should be going to yoga tonight in oh...half an hour. but i'll probably end up sitting here without pants on and moping.
i got on depo around this time last year (may to be precise) because i was engaging in semi-adult extra curricular activities and needed some protective gear. life was lovely because i was engaging in said activities and not risking ruining my life plus, no cramps, no period most of the time and little to no mood swings. life was beautiful...except that despite my hardest efforts, i'm still a fatty. or at least, i think i'm a fatty. it's difficult to impossible to lose weight on this damn thing and it's breaking my spirits. between running and yoga, i should be dropping weight, not to mention, i have a good diet, so there should be no excuse for me staying the same weight or fucking gaining weight.
so i've finally had enough and i'm not getting any anyway, so fuck it. i care more about me than i do that, so come may for my next shot, i'm not getting it. or is it april? i don't even remember...
i refuse to be the chubby friend anymore. i hide my weight rather well, but it's been bothering me for years and i've developed a pretty unhealthy self loathing attitude about it.
blah. i should be going to yoga tonight in oh...half an hour. but i'll probably end up sitting here without pants on and moping.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
about 3 weeks behind on this...
but i love this comic in general and this particular one just made me snort:
Natalie Dee. Enjoy kids. Check out the other comics linked on her site IE: Married to the Sea and Toothpaste for Dinner. She and her husband do the comics and even though they're from Ohio, they crack me up.
Monday, February 28, 2011
bueller? bueller? bueller?
i feel like i'm in a weird place right now. my mind is constantly going and i have so much to think about and so much that i want to do, yet i don't do any of it.
like right now. i want to go to yoga, but i'm sitting in my bed, sans pants thinking that "man, i'm hungry and i should go get food...but where do i want to go? what am i hungry for? ugh, i feel so lazy for not going to yoga. should i go to yoga? probably... well...hmm that means that i'm going to be even hungrier when i get out. crap. well, i could eat something and read...but then still, what am i going to eat. and i really want to paint, but then i have to clear space to paint and bleh, i'm still hungry..."
and this goes on. it's been going on for the last hour and a half after i got out of work. my room is also an epic disaster from being in san fran this weekend. and i would go running, but my ipod is nearly dead.
see what i mean? i need to focus. on something. one thing. maybe. maybe on nothing at all. *sigh* crap. crap. crap.
like right now. i want to go to yoga, but i'm sitting in my bed, sans pants thinking that "man, i'm hungry and i should go get food...but where do i want to go? what am i hungry for? ugh, i feel so lazy for not going to yoga. should i go to yoga? probably... well...hmm that means that i'm going to be even hungrier when i get out. crap. well, i could eat something and read...but then still, what am i going to eat. and i really want to paint, but then i have to clear space to paint and bleh, i'm still hungry..."
and this goes on. it's been going on for the last hour and a half after i got out of work. my room is also an epic disaster from being in san fran this weekend. and i would go running, but my ipod is nearly dead.
see what i mean? i need to focus. on something. one thing. maybe. maybe on nothing at all. *sigh* crap. crap. crap.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
love is a funny thing
you find it when you're not looking.
you get too much of it from people that you don't want it from.
you don't get enough of it from the people that you do want it from.
you say it to people who don't deserve it.
you don't hear it from people who don't realize that it is love.
you try to give it and it just doesn't sink in.
you show it in the ways that stretch you beyond who you are or what you believe in.
you want it so badly, but can never open up enough to get it.
you never know if you've actually felt it or if it was just a charming illusion.
you think that you had it once or twice, but you're not sure.
you talk about it like it's a disease.
you sometimes think that it is a disease.
you sometimes avoid talking about it like the plague.
you then realize it might be a disease that you don't want to catch for fear of illness.
and then you finally get to the point that you think it's something that you'd want to have with the right person at the right time and have everything be awesome and every day you wake up happy knowing that you're just soaking up each other's awesomeness.
Monday, February 14, 2011
things that i enjoy:
oh man. where to start...
numero uno today is being smarter than other people. or at least being able to articulate things in words that make sense. like big words.
people like to think that they are sounding smart and will throw out a polysyllabic word and have no real understanding of the word.
for example: a word that means "opposite of the masses" and then the retort is "well, it's toward individuals"
HUH????
in their confusion of the english language, i'm left trying to understand the thought process that they initiated but it's an effort in futility. i like big words. i like it even more when they're used coherently.
it's like trying to use a video game cheat code for the wrong game or the wrong key for the wrong door. shit just doesn't make sense.
if you're going to use big words and try to play with the grown ups, at least understand the word that you're trying to pwn me with, otherwise, i'll start using even bigger words and you'll get frustrated and go pout.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
i'm in my happy place right now.
and i fucking love it.
i'm not *ideally* where i want to be in a lot of aspects of my life, but i'm just ...happy. i've been spending some good time with good friends. i've been spending enough time on myself that i just feel better. in december, i had so much going on and so much happening in my life that i forgot about ME. me time was spent with my eyes closed or driving from one job to the next. but now, me time is at the gym and at home just relaxing and valuing time with friends. i was missing out on a lot.
now if i could just figure out an easier/faster way of getting music on my damn ipod. piece of shit. and i'm honestly considering buying an iphone...believe it or not. i think that i'm an idiot. sometimes, i feel like my grandmothers with these things. i mean, i'm good with computers and fixing most shit, but when it comes to a 5 button device, i apparently, can't fucking figure it out.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
never underestimate the impact of 140 characters
it's a glorious thing to be warned of something about to happen in such a manner that it only takes up 10 seconds of your time to read it. this particular warning was more of a public invitation but it impacted me slightly differently...and i'm not a happy camper because of it.
certain things/events/people only come around every so often and when i have plans with said things/events/people, i'd rather it not be ruined by other things/events/people. some, i can handle, and quite well, especially when i know ahead of time that it's happening, but this would have been short notice for an all out miracle. damn.
i'm bummed.
i'm kinda peeved.
but i'm relieved that i'm not peeing my pants in public tonight.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
life is good...sometimes.
so the ass raping at work that i was expecting didn't happen.
something else didn't happen that i wasn't especially looking forward to.
i made plans to go to san fran for a friend's birthday.
i had a kick ass workout last night.
i'm going to have another kick ass workout tonight.
i'm going to have a kick ass massage and yoga tomorrow night.
i'm anticipating (so far) getting money back from uncle sam.
a friend's birthday party is coming up.
i have plenty to be stoked on right now. nothing wrong with that.
off to the gym!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
rough day
i can't wait to post tomorrow night because i'm sure that i'll have some gems from the little chit chat my boss and i are going to have tomorrow morning where i sit and listen to her accuse me of a bunch of stuff and then, unlike the court room, i don't get a fair chance to say my side of the story. i have good reasons/explanations for everything...i just don't think that's she'll care or listen. great relationships going on in our office...for sure.
i sent a few resumes tonight, i'm sure i'll be able to find some more in the morning. i've just kinda had it. i want to use my degree, i want to be appreciated, i want to be acknowledged for what i do well, not just what you think is wrong today. i really hate being accused of things that are bs. it doesn't make any sense, for one and two, it's a waste of time if you have to schedule a meeting to discuss something that isn't a thing.
*sigh* i can't help but be down about that stuff and it filters to the rest of my life. i just had someone yell at me for getting down on myself about being chunky in pictures and needing some that i didn't look like a beached whale next to my skinny friends. nottttt this year. i WILL get below x weight. i WILL fit into -2 pant sizes. and (god willing) i keep my boobs.
make that another resume out. trying to milk my bowl contacts as much as possible. i really hate job hunting. i feel like it should be the other way around.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
another day down at the gym. a pretty casual (i guess) 2 miles, followed by some back and leg work. i'm determined as all hell to drop 20 lbs and i know once i start dropping weight, i'll be able to run faster and get more miles in.
i've been eating healthy, and working out, but my attitude is totally in the shitter for 8 hours of the day. work depresses me and makes me a horrible person to be around. i feel really bad for the people that are around me for those 8 hours because when i'm in that office, i'm just an angry person. i've never been that stressed and upset at work. little things set me off and it just snowballs into me not being able to speak to anyone for fear of flying off the handle at them. and it's not just me. the overall morale in the office sucks and my boss either doesn't give a shit or doesn't see it. i'm still debating which it is.
as for my emotional debacle...after a long conversation with a very close friend, i'm probably playing russian roulette with my emotions. things could either go how i'd like to them to and life is lovely and beautiful and i end up with a guy who is perfect for me orrrr...i get ridiculously hurt and lose someone who i love orrrrrr...i continue down the path i'm on and keep doing what i'm doing and remain happily complacent, partially settling for want and what i can get... yeah. i just don't know. the friendship relationship itself is so simple and effortless, but when things are put into perspective and i start thinking about it, it seems so much more gray. and how much could i push to maybe get what i want? ugh. i think far too much about this and when it comes down to it, it's probably why i stay in that complacent place, just happy that i have the moments as they come. and goddamn, those moments are awesome when they happen. :)
now, since my plans were blown for the evening, i'm going to lay in my traction unit (thanks chiropractor) and do some reading.
i've been eating healthy, and working out, but my attitude is totally in the shitter for 8 hours of the day. work depresses me and makes me a horrible person to be around. i feel really bad for the people that are around me for those 8 hours because when i'm in that office, i'm just an angry person. i've never been that stressed and upset at work. little things set me off and it just snowballs into me not being able to speak to anyone for fear of flying off the handle at them. and it's not just me. the overall morale in the office sucks and my boss either doesn't give a shit or doesn't see it. i'm still debating which it is.
as for my emotional debacle...after a long conversation with a very close friend, i'm probably playing russian roulette with my emotions. things could either go how i'd like to them to and life is lovely and beautiful and i end up with a guy who is perfect for me orrrr...i get ridiculously hurt and lose someone who i love orrrrrr...i continue down the path i'm on and keep doing what i'm doing and remain happily complacent, partially settling for want and what i can get... yeah. i just don't know. the friendship relationship itself is so simple and effortless, but when things are put into perspective and i start thinking about it, it seems so much more gray. and how much could i push to maybe get what i want? ugh. i think far too much about this and when it comes down to it, it's probably why i stay in that complacent place, just happy that i have the moments as they come. and goddamn, those moments are awesome when they happen. :)
now, since my plans were blown for the evening, i'm going to lay in my traction unit (thanks chiropractor) and do some reading.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
epic might be an understatement.
first official weekend after the bowls, which means that i have a life again. went to the gym on wednesday for yoga. today is sunday and i finally stopped being sore. friday, went thrifting with a friend from work and picked up a few things, saturday, i had intended to go to the gym and run, but sleep was more important to my body i guess. i got my hair cut (which i desperately needed) and geared up for what was indeed, a ridiculous night.
every once and a while, i'm reminded how lucky i have really amazing friends. one of my very good friends is joining me in the land of 26, so i put on some real pants, makeup and half suited up (aka, just the blazer). it's not every day that people can get me out of the house for something that a. starts at 9:30pm, b. keeps me out of the house until 4:30am, and c. requires me to not lose my cool at someone...but that's another story.
several good beers later with the group down to 5 (4 of them being dudes)...the strip club seems like a great idea. which it always is in theory, but with the tuesday morning crew on a saturday night...not good. but still, it was a pretty good time and i got home way too late and needed a 4 hour nap today to feel human.
i really wish that i could put into words the combination of emotions i have going on in my mind right now, but i really can't. or i could, but it wouldn't be poetic and eloquent or poignant..and i'm sure, as always someone would take it the wrong way. i dunno. i could sit with this window up for days before i could come up with the right words to express my feelings.
today was pretty productive though. one last load of laundry is in the dryer, i took out the 3 bags of trash, the 4 boxes from christmas gifts, 6 empty wine bottles, all from my room and i cleaned out my car. i guess i'll save the wash for another day or find someone to do it for me. i had a kickass salad for dinner and have been considering a glass of wine, but i really just want to finish this episode of desperate housewives and do some reading.
back to the gym tomorrow.
every once and a while, i'm reminded how lucky i have really amazing friends. one of my very good friends is joining me in the land of 26, so i put on some real pants, makeup and half suited up (aka, just the blazer). it's not every day that people can get me out of the house for something that a. starts at 9:30pm, b. keeps me out of the house until 4:30am, and c. requires me to not lose my cool at someone...but that's another story.
several good beers later with the group down to 5 (4 of them being dudes)...the strip club seems like a great idea. which it always is in theory, but with the tuesday morning crew on a saturday night...not good. but still, it was a pretty good time and i got home way too late and needed a 4 hour nap today to feel human.
i really wish that i could put into words the combination of emotions i have going on in my mind right now, but i really can't. or i could, but it wouldn't be poetic and eloquent or poignant..and i'm sure, as always someone would take it the wrong way. i dunno. i could sit with this window up for days before i could come up with the right words to express my feelings.
today was pretty productive though. one last load of laundry is in the dryer, i took out the 3 bags of trash, the 4 boxes from christmas gifts, 6 empty wine bottles, all from my room and i cleaned out my car. i guess i'll save the wash for another day or find someone to do it for me. i had a kickass salad for dinner and have been considering a glass of wine, but i really just want to finish this episode of desperate housewives and do some reading.
back to the gym tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
new year. new beginnings. new goals.
So where did i leave off...oh yeah, i was training for 5ks way back when...i ran 3: the susan g komen race for a cure, the 5k for the women's half marathon and the iron girl 5k. finished them all in about 45 minutes, ran 75-80% of them and was pretty pleased. then bowl season hit...i started working 80 hours a week, went through a breakup and was eating whatever i could, when i could and i had zero time to get to the gym, so the pounds added up along with the wine, the emotions and the stress.
enter: the new year.
this year i have some goals set:
- running more races, including the half marathon in november
- saving money (yeah, i say this every year and fail miserably...damn you, sales)
- finding a job in my field or something close to it
- getting home more than once
today was the first day of the new year that i could actually go to the gym and i was pleasantly surprised with my workout. i managed to run/walk 2.5 miles relatively easily. i was expecting to be a lot more out of shape, but it felt really good to get back on the treadmill.
i also had one of the regular boxing guys ask me where i've been. i was kinda surprised that someone actually noticed that i had been m.i.a. for the last month and a half.
and then my favorite (said with a slight tinge of sarcasm) bowl season ticket holder emailed me today. after exchanging a few messages, he told me that the day after thanksgiving, he lost his oldest son (age 27) unexpectedly. i don't know exactly what happened, but damn it makes me think if i'm living each day like it could be my last. there are days when i go to bed angry or upset about something and if i didn't wake up the next day, would my loved ones read my last facebook status about going to bed pissed? i just don't want to leave this world with a sour taste in my mouth...which makes me want to complete all of my goals even more.
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